On Friday, Jim and I, plus our son, went to a funeral for young man that Jim had a friendship with. He was only 34 years old.. just 3 years older than our youngest son (who went with us). Jim worked with this young man for a couple years, several years ago,,,, brought him to our home, taught him knot work, and did other things together. Then as the years went bye, we didn't see the young man for several years, but Jim kept in contact with his Dad. His dad would tell us the latest news.

My heart broke when I noticed this bright, smiling faced young man's obit in the local paper,,, included in the obit was "the family chooses not to disclose the cause of death". Sadly, this usually means that the person committed suicide.... which is what happened. . When I saw the obit, my heart just sank, and tears filled my eyes and heart. I knew that I would have to tell my husband, and didn't want to. It was another heart wrenching time, when I showed Jim the notice and let him know.

A couple weeks ago, Jim ran into JJ's father, and got JJ's phone number. His Dad was sad for his son, telling Jim that JJ was in a deep depression. Jim tried calling JJ a few times over the last couple weeks, and got no answer or a reply to his calls. So, sad.... I know that Jim thought "if I could have only talked to him". I'm sure that his family felt  the "IF" questions too.

JJ was in so much pain, that he couldn't see that life is still worth living, and there can be brighter days ahead.... the darkness of his depression would only allow JJ to seek out what was to be his last act on earth; to take a gun and kill himself, to finally end the pain and sadness. Why does this happen?  This is a question that I'm going to ask God when I see Him. When a person is in the depression, do they not think about what suicide will do to their loved ones? Do they not know the heart ache and second guessing their families and friends will have? I would guess that their pain and depression makes them believe that this is the only way out from the constant thoughts and a mind focused on sad things.

The sadness, pain and remorse that I saw in JJ's family, at the funeral, was beyond heartbreaking, I cried through the whole service, held Jim's hand as he also felt overwhelmed with grief. We hugged JJ's Dad, and he cried as we hugged.

I so wish that JJ could have found his way to stay, to fight the demon of depression and alcoholism. I so wish he could have seen how he was the light of his family and a good friend to many. My spirit prays he can rest in the peace he couldn't find in this life. God be with his family and friends.